Forgive me Father Internet.
It’s been 10 months since my last blog entry.
Since then a lot has happened. It’s been one of those years. My first novel, Split was well received, now nominated for a Lambda award…So I am going to NYC for the first time since I was eleven years old. I don’t even have my passport yet, but it’ll work out. I’m on it. My last book, Franky gets real, is also doing well and is nominated for a Foreword review award.
Very encouraging and exciting, but I’m still broke. Still struggling with writing a new novel.:-)
This year, I began volunteering again, and now give some of my spare time to different places, one of them being a crisis centre here in Montreal’s Queer village. These experiences are slowly transforming me, heightening my sense of “others” and making me feel more connected to people. Yes, working on one novel after another, had turned me into a bit of a hermit. It was grand time to step out of my comfort zone.
I’m trying to drink less and take care of myself. But, it’s win some, loose some, on that end.
I’m tackling my anxiety and social awkwardness, and scoring some points there. I’ve actually stopped wearing my earphones every time I step out…
No matter how many successes I had this year, I’m still hyper aware of eminent defeat and seem to measure losses before they even have a chance to happen. In truth, I am obsessed with my writing and can’t really let go. I suppose I will always feel like this and this is the nature of my beast.
Into the flames, my latest novel is coming out in August. It’s a thriller with a lot of romance in it, and one of the main characters is trans. I wrote this character, September Young, with as much sensibility and respect as I could, but can’t help wonder how the trans community will react to this character and her part in the story. If they react at all. You never know with a book. It’s a hit and miss most of the time. I’m learning that.
This year, it will be nine years that my partner and I are together. Who could have predicted that two bi people could stay together so long, right?:-) Tongue in cheek, of course.
Life is moving pretty fast for me these days, yet, everything feels a little out of reach. I’ve never even met any of my fellow writers and editors and the first time I come out “in public” is at the Lammys? I know promoting your work is just as important as anything, but I’m still way behind on that…
Because of my system of beliefs, I’m not on Twitter or FaceBook and this blog is my only contact with my readers.
So this year, I promise to be more present here and let you in a little more.
Today I am thinking of an Albatross and how clumsy it looks on the ground. Then, I see it soar through the blue, and I feel regret and delight–knowing beauty and strength can only be revealed through Freedom.
And I wonder if I’ve ever let anyone be free.
Truly and wholly.